Showing posts with label beautiful bodies and sexy sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beautiful bodies and sexy sex. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
NSFW: Queer and Sexy Resources for Authors of Romance and Erotica
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Friday, December 20, 2013
Let's Talk Sex: buying a pack and play realistic dildo
Recently I purchased a "Bendable Bobby"(name given by the manufacturer) or a "Otto"(name given by the retailer) realistic pack and play dildo.
I had originally just wanted a realistic dildo not a pack and play since I, well, often don't pack and play. Plus I already have a packer I like just fine. I very rarely have any money to spend on toys though and so I went with my cheapest option for realistic dildos. It turned out my cheapest option was the Otto pack and play.
Since I try to support small/feminist/queer run sex shops as much as possible I bought my new dildo from Early To Bed's online store.
I had originally seen an add for Early To Bed, a small feminist sex shop in Chicago, on Oh Joy Sex Toy one of my all time favorite webcomics.
It turned out buying from Early To Bed was a great experience. I had originally clicked on the option to picking up the dildo at their store, instead of having them ship it to New York, by mistake. They emailed me with a very friendly and personal reminder when the dildo came into the shop and I explained that I needed it shipped. They told me no problem, shipped it right out and I literally got it the next day. They were friendly, helpful and professional through the whole thing.
They say that "Early to Bed is committed to helping people of all genders and orientations explore their sexuality to the fullest" right up front on their website. I like that they don't hide the fact that they market to the trans* male community.
I was also impressed by the dildo itself. The Otto is $20.00 from Early To Bed. That is extremely cheap for a sex toy so I had pretty low expectations when it came. Otto or "Bendable Bobby" is a lot better of a toy than I was expecting though.
It's a nice size dildo, 6 insertable inchs with a 1.5 width. It is made out of PTE, which has that Cyberskin feel to, it with a solid bendable core and full balls. It is a pinky vanilla color which only looks realistic if your skin is undead-pale (luckily for me, mine is.)
Pack and play dildos are able to be bent into a down ward 'flaccid' position to pack into your trousers and give yourself a nice bulge. When it's time to have sex the pack and play can be bent back up into an erects position for blow jobs, penetration and what not.
Right now there is no perfect pack and play on the market. Although it is worth noting I have heard really good things about Silky and Shilo pack and play dildos. Even really good pack and plays will make you look half hard while you are packing with them and are less than perfect dildos for sex. So be aware that there will be flaws to any pack and play dildo you buy.
Early to Bed is pretty upfront about the cons when it comes to this particularly toy:
- The core is not attached to the back.
-PTE or any cyberskin like material dirties easily and is hard to clean well. Plus no one but the manufacture is a 110% sure what is in it.
-this will probably not last as long as many other dildos.
-it only comes in the vampiric pale shade. So if you are not one of the living dead it will not match your skin color.
-its shape makes it a little awkward to use with a harness.
Cons I noticed while using are:
-when you bend it the solid but flexible core makes a cracking noise. Which most people, I am guessing, do not want to hear coming from their dick.
-like all cyberskin toys it is nicely squishy but can also be a little tacky on the outside, which is why most people recommend brushing lightly with cornstarch.
-I had a hard time using this toy for anal penetration. It's a little soft I found. Even after prepping extensively, trying multiple positions and warming up with a larger and harder toy I still couldn't get it to work. People may have better luck using it for anal when there are two people involves to figure out the angle and positioning. But as far as solo play goes, it's not a great anal toy.
-you do need to store it in a sleeve or bag. If you leave it, say on the coffee table over night, without a sock then it will leave a stain on the surface of said coffee table (don't ask what is in it that leeches out and stains things)
The pros are:
it is extremely cheap
it has nice detailing of veins along the shaft and the head is well defined.
I enjoy the fact that it has balls
it bends a little when it penetrates to fit the contours of the inside of your body.
it does have a nice squeezable texture in your hand while you're jerking it off.
My recommendation would be this: always use a condom.
Doesn't matter if you're using it for penetration or a hand job, just always cover it.
A condom will keep it clean.
It will allow you to use it to fuck both your, or a partner's, front vagina and ass.
A condom will allow it to safely be used by or on more than one person.
It will make it feel better/more realistic in your hand/mouth/hole.
It will also protect you and/or partner(s) against whatever sketchy chemicals may or may not be in it.
I not only use a condom on it every single time regardless of what I'm doing with it, but I also stretch the condom a little to cover part of the back so as little of my own skin comes into contact with the toy as possible. Better safe than sorry I say.
So yeah, bottom line is if you are looking for a realistic dildo or a pack and play and can afford a better one go for that. If you can't afford it then this is not a bad choice. In fact I've paid a lot more for a lot worse toys.
I was also extremely happy working with Early to Bed and will definitely be buying from them again. If you are in the Chicago area I would check them out, or keep them in mind for your online sex toy/supplies purchases.
I had originally just wanted a realistic dildo not a pack and play since I, well, often don't pack and play. Plus I already have a packer I like just fine. I very rarely have any money to spend on toys though and so I went with my cheapest option for realistic dildos. It turned out my cheapest option was the Otto pack and play.Since I try to support small/feminist/queer run sex shops as much as possible I bought my new dildo from Early To Bed's online store.
I had originally seen an add for Early To Bed, a small feminist sex shop in Chicago, on Oh Joy Sex Toy one of my all time favorite webcomics.
It turned out buying from Early To Bed was a great experience. I had originally clicked on the option to picking up the dildo at their store, instead of having them ship it to New York, by mistake. They emailed me with a very friendly and personal reminder when the dildo came into the shop and I explained that I needed it shipped. They told me no problem, shipped it right out and I literally got it the next day. They were friendly, helpful and professional through the whole thing.
They say that "Early to Bed is committed to helping people of all genders and orientations explore their sexuality to the fullest" right up front on their website. I like that they don't hide the fact that they market to the trans* male community.
I was also impressed by the dildo itself. The Otto is $20.00 from Early To Bed. That is extremely cheap for a sex toy so I had pretty low expectations when it came. Otto or "Bendable Bobby" is a lot better of a toy than I was expecting though.It's a nice size dildo, 6 insertable inchs with a 1.5 width. It is made out of PTE, which has that Cyberskin feel to, it with a solid bendable core and full balls. It is a pinky vanilla color which only looks realistic if your skin is undead-pale (luckily for me, mine is.)
Pack and play dildos are able to be bent into a down ward 'flaccid' position to pack into your trousers and give yourself a nice bulge. When it's time to have sex the pack and play can be bent back up into an erects position for blow jobs, penetration and what not.
Right now there is no perfect pack and play on the market. Although it is worth noting I have heard really good things about Silky and Shilo pack and play dildos. Even really good pack and plays will make you look half hard while you are packing with them and are less than perfect dildos for sex. So be aware that there will be flaws to any pack and play dildo you buy.
Early to Bed is pretty upfront about the cons when it comes to this particularly toy:
- The core is not attached to the back.
-PTE or any cyberskin like material dirties easily and is hard to clean well. Plus no one but the manufacture is a 110% sure what is in it.
-this will probably not last as long as many other dildos.
-it only comes in the vampiric pale shade. So if you are not one of the living dead it will not match your skin color.
-its shape makes it a little awkward to use with a harness.
Cons I noticed while using are:
-when you bend it the solid but flexible core makes a cracking noise. Which most people, I am guessing, do not want to hear coming from their dick.
-like all cyberskin toys it is nicely squishy but can also be a little tacky on the outside, which is why most people recommend brushing lightly with cornstarch.
-I had a hard time using this toy for anal penetration. It's a little soft I found. Even after prepping extensively, trying multiple positions and warming up with a larger and harder toy I still couldn't get it to work. People may have better luck using it for anal when there are two people involves to figure out the angle and positioning. But as far as solo play goes, it's not a great anal toy.
-you do need to store it in a sleeve or bag. If you leave it, say on the coffee table over night, without a sock then it will leave a stain on the surface of said coffee table (don't ask what is in it that leeches out and stains things)
The pros are:
it is extremely cheap
it has nice detailing of veins along the shaft and the head is well defined.
I enjoy the fact that it has balls
it bends a little when it penetrates to fit the contours of the inside of your body.
it does have a nice squeezable texture in your hand while you're jerking it off.
My recommendation would be this: always use a condom.
Doesn't matter if you're using it for penetration or a hand job, just always cover it.
A condom will keep it clean.
It will allow you to use it to fuck both your, or a partner's, front vagina and ass.
A condom will allow it to safely be used by or on more than one person.
It will make it feel better/more realistic in your hand/mouth/hole.
It will also protect you and/or partner(s) against whatever sketchy chemicals may or may not be in it.
I not only use a condom on it every single time regardless of what I'm doing with it, but I also stretch the condom a little to cover part of the back so as little of my own skin comes into contact with the toy as possible. Better safe than sorry I say.
So yeah, bottom line is if you are looking for a realistic dildo or a pack and play and can afford a better one go for that. If you can't afford it then this is not a bad choice. In fact I've paid a lot more for a lot worse toys.
I was also extremely happy working with Early to Bed and will definitely be buying from them again. If you are in the Chicago area I would check them out, or keep them in mind for your online sex toy/supplies purchases.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Let's Talk Sex: I am now an affiliate of Pink and White Productions
So you might have noticed three new banners have appeared on my blog, two on the side bar to the right and one along the bottom. If you click on them they will take you to the CrashPad Series and Heavenly Spire both produced by Pink and White Productions.
Pink and White Productions is an American pornographic production company, based in San Francisco, California, that focuses on explicit video web and DVD releases showcasing female and queer sexuality. The company's main director and producer is Shine Louise Houston. Shine Louise Houston founded Pink & White Productions in 2005,
aiming to create a sustainable adult entertainment company that exposes
the complexities of queer sexual desire. About her project to create ethical queer porn Shine has said “I believe there’s a lot of room and need to create adult content that’s
real, that’s respectful and powerful … I think it’s the perfect place
to become political. It’s a place where money, sex, media, and ethics
converge.”
Pink and White Productions has made multiple stand alone films but their two major porn series are CrashPad and Heavenly Spire.
Crash Pad Series is
Pink & White Productions’ longest running membership website. It
won the 2012 Feminist Porn Awards “Best Website” and was nominated for
the 2011 AVN Awards “Best Alternative Website.” Based on the Feminist
Porn Award-winning dyke bestseller “The Crash Pad”, the site focuses on
queer female sexuality but features queer performers of many genders and
sexual orientations, in addition to diverse bodies, kinks and sexual
expression. With over 300 Episodes and Behind the Scenes Videos and a
model base of over 170 performers, it’s one of the largest and most
diverse queer porn sites in the world. Memberships begin at $22 and
include photo sets, streaming and downloadable videos, behind the
scenes, and monthly live-streaming of the cast and crew as they film,
and other special features.
Heavenly Spire
focuses on masculine beauty and sexuality, and how it manifests on
different bodies, in a unique cinematic style. Directed by Shine Louise
Houston, the site features cisgender males, trans men, and other
performers of masculine sexual expressions. The website won the 2011
Feminist Porn Awards. Heavenly Spire now redirects to it’s studio on
PINKLABEL, where videos are available video on demand.
Pornography is a very fraught subject in our society in general and in the romance industry in particularly.
When the whole "Mommy porn" thing went down far more romance writers were upset by the insinuation that romance authors are the same as pornographers than the insulting gender politics behind the statement.
That being said I have nothing against ethically made porn. Far from it, ethically created queer live action pornography, queer erotic art and comics, and queer erotica is a community and an industry that I not only support but feel at home in.
I definitely grew up reading certain kinds of romance but queer porn like the CrashPad series has had far more of an affect on the way I write and the way I think about representing sexuality, gender and sex.
Throughout my teenage and young adult years I struggled with the fact that people like me were not represented in the mainstream media. Everything the wider world told me was beautiful and sexually desirable in no way reflect what I saw in the mirror. More than that it did not reflect the kinds of bodies and people I personally was attracted to.Watching first CrashPad and then Heavenly Spire though was an eye-openner. Here was people like me and the kind of people I found attractive being treated as if they were desirable --sexy-- deserving of and allowed to flaunting their bodies and their sexuality.
Finally I found images of masculinity that I found desirable:
Genderqueer androgyny:
Genderqueer femininity:
and just really, really hot people:
CrashPad Series is also dedicated to promoting safer sex and uses safer sex supplies and protection in almost every scene. CrashPad's performers are paid and treated ethically, their distributing sites are ethical and they have been on the cutting edge of welcoming all different body types, genders and sexual identities. They have also grappled with issues like creating work places which are disability friendly and working with performers who have a history of sexual trauma to allow them to have sex which is comfortable, safe and non-triggering.
Really I think they set the bar high not only for making ethical queer porn but also for ethically representing sex and sexuality. Something I think about all the time as an author who writes about both.
Heavenly Spire is a much newer project and doesn't have the width and breath of CrashPad yet. Even so I love it.
Pink and White Productions is a small indie company trying to make a difference in a huge and too often horribly destructive industry.
Shine Louise Houston's statement"I believe there’s a lot of room and need to create adult content that’s real, that’s respectful and powerful" Pretty much sums up what I am trying to do everytime I sit down to write a romantic relationship or sex scene. Because I too think there is a real need for that.
I know this blog does not getting a lot of views or foot traffic but by becoming affiliated with Pink and White Productions I hope to do at least a little bit to support people who work hard doing something I care very deeply about.
Pink and White Productions has made multiple stand alone films but their two major porn series are CrashPad and Heavenly Spire.
Crash Pad Series is
Pink & White Productions’ longest running membership website. It
won the 2012 Feminist Porn Awards “Best Website” and was nominated for
the 2011 AVN Awards “Best Alternative Website.” Based on the Feminist
Porn Award-winning dyke bestseller “The Crash Pad”, the site focuses on
queer female sexuality but features queer performers of many genders and
sexual orientations, in addition to diverse bodies, kinks and sexual
expression. With over 300 Episodes and Behind the Scenes Videos and a
model base of over 170 performers, it’s one of the largest and most
diverse queer porn sites in the world. Memberships begin at $22 and
include photo sets, streaming and downloadable videos, behind the
scenes, and monthly live-streaming of the cast and crew as they film,
and other special features. Heavenly Spire
focuses on masculine beauty and sexuality, and how it manifests on
different bodies, in a unique cinematic style. Directed by Shine Louise
Houston, the site features cisgender males, trans men, and other
performers of masculine sexual expressions. The website won the 2011
Feminist Porn Awards. Heavenly Spire now redirects to it’s studio on
PINKLABEL, where videos are available video on demand. Pornography is a very fraught subject in our society in general and in the romance industry in particularly.
When the whole "Mommy porn" thing went down far more romance writers were upset by the insinuation that romance authors are the same as pornographers than the insulting gender politics behind the statement.
That being said I have nothing against ethically made porn. Far from it, ethically created queer live action pornography, queer erotic art and comics, and queer erotica is a community and an industry that I not only support but feel at home in.
I definitely grew up reading certain kinds of romance but queer porn like the CrashPad series has had far more of an affect on the way I write and the way I think about representing sexuality, gender and sex.
Throughout my teenage and young adult years I struggled with the fact that people like me were not represented in the mainstream media. Everything the wider world told me was beautiful and sexually desirable in no way reflect what I saw in the mirror. More than that it did not reflect the kinds of bodies and people I personally was attracted to.Watching first CrashPad and then Heavenly Spire though was an eye-openner. Here was people like me and the kind of people I found attractive being treated as if they were desirable --sexy-- deserving of and allowed to flaunting their bodies and their sexuality.
Finally I found images of masculinity that I found desirable:
CrashPad Series is also dedicated to promoting safer sex and uses safer sex supplies and protection in almost every scene. CrashPad's performers are paid and treated ethically, their distributing sites are ethical and they have been on the cutting edge of welcoming all different body types, genders and sexual identities. They have also grappled with issues like creating work places which are disability friendly and working with performers who have a history of sexual trauma to allow them to have sex which is comfortable, safe and non-triggering.
Really I think they set the bar high not only for making ethical queer porn but also for ethically representing sex and sexuality. Something I think about all the time as an author who writes about both.
Heavenly Spire is a much newer project and doesn't have the width and breath of CrashPad yet. Even so I love it.
Not only are the guys hot but there is this moment at the beginning of every episode where they are interviewed and asked to reflect on what they think of as the most attractive parts of their bodies. The answers that the performers give are really interesting and in most cases fairly deep. Most of the answers had more to do with how each man sees himself as a person rather than with any ideas of traditional masculinity. In a really simple way it reflected how deverse and complicated masculinity really is.
Plus hot fucking.
Pink and White Productions is a small indie company trying to make a difference in a huge and too often horribly destructive industry.
Shine Louise Houston's statement"I believe there’s a lot of room and need to create adult content that’s real, that’s respectful and powerful" Pretty much sums up what I am trying to do everytime I sit down to write a romantic relationship or sex scene. Because I too think there is a real need for that.
I know this blog does not getting a lot of views or foot traffic but by becoming affiliated with Pink and White Productions I hope to do at least a little bit to support people who work hard doing something I care very deeply about.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Writing Romance and Talking About It: my perspective
First off in the last few weeks I have moved into a new (and nicer) apartment and started another day job that, while requiring a good amount of retraining, is looking like it will work out well for me.
I've been meaning to make a post to this blog and lately I've seen a bunch of people posting about the perannail question of why they write m/m romance or how they feel about telling other people what they write.
I've been mulling over writing about my experience with this issue for a while now so I thought I'd take the time to write about it here.
I know a lot of authors get questioned about why they write m/m romance (or f/f romance I assume) instead of heterosexual romance. For a lot of authors it is the gay aspect of their stories which make them hesitate to tell co-workers or family members about their books. Some authors have in fact found themselves in really serious trouble when outted, not because they write romance but because they write gay romance.
I however am in a completely different situation if not the exact reverse.
No one ever questions why I write m/m romance. No one. This is mostly because I very rarely frame myself as an author of only m/m romance. Although I do write things which fall into that genre, and considered myself part of that community I usually introduce myself as an author of queer or LGBTQA romance. I write about characters who fall all over the spectrum of queer and trans* experience. Also for my characters, as with most queer and trans* people, single identities tend to bleed into one another and be difficult to completely define with just one term.
And no one ever questions why I write almost exclusively about queer and trans* characters because I myself am queer. Not only do I identify as gay or queer, depending on who is asking, and am very out about this but I am also very obviously gender non-conforming in the way I present myself. Everyone expects me to write about queer characters and I think I would get more questions if I didn't. Further the group of people I tend to spent time with, even work with, is self selecting. If someone where to be homophic or transphobic to the point of calling me out over what I choose to write they would already be having a problem with me before we even got to the point of talking about books.
So that part of the equation has never been a problem for me.
The romance element on the other hand has been difficult. Sometimes I hedge the question, and say I write LGBTQA speculative fiction or speculative fiction with strong romance subplots. Both of these answers are true but the fact remains the publishers I work with are romance publishers, my books are sold as romance novels.
In a lot of ways I enjoy writing romance. Sex and relationships, especially romantic relationships, are important to me and endlessly fascinating. While some of my favorite books don't have either I always kind of wished they did. I am a strong believer that just having sex or romance in a book will not automatically make it better. Taking the time to really think about these types of human connection and giving them the same amount of serious consideration as any other element of the characterization or plot though will definitely make a good story stronger. Not to mention when done well it can be amazing and fun to read about.
I have really enjoyed my time writing romance and hope to continue to do so.
I did not grow up reading romance though. I am not well versed in the history of more mainstream heterosexual romance. I have only a very basic grasp of the tried and true tropes that seem to have dominated the romance genre for the last sixty years or so.
I also am all too aware of the stigma attached to reading and writing romance. I know we, as romance authors, are considered the bottom of the barrel within genre fiction world. Writers of fantasy novel with women in chain mail bikinis on the cover get to go to bed secure in the knowledge that at least they are taken more seriously than romance authors are. I sometimes joke with my friend and family by wondering who gets less respect: comic book writers or romance authors?
Probably romance authors.
I have a friend who is in the process of doing a long-term academic study of the portrayal of rape in romance novels from the 1950s to the present. I always have to keep myself from cringing with more than a little bit of shame when she talks about her research with me. I tell myself that this is something all genres are dealing, that there are a lot of romance authors dealing critically and respectfully with the issue of sexual violence but that never stops me from feeling a little bit responsible.
Some days I can feel pride about doing what I want to do and being the writing I want to be despite the stigma and low expectations, even because of them. Some days I just put my head down and say I write fantasy novels with queer characters.
I truly wish I could be one of those people who are proud of being a romance author, for whom the romance part wasn't at all problematic to admit to.
It is an ongoing process for me though.
I've been meaning to make a post to this blog and lately I've seen a bunch of people posting about the perannail question of why they write m/m romance or how they feel about telling other people what they write.
I've been mulling over writing about my experience with this issue for a while now so I thought I'd take the time to write about it here.
I know a lot of authors get questioned about why they write m/m romance (or f/f romance I assume) instead of heterosexual romance. For a lot of authors it is the gay aspect of their stories which make them hesitate to tell co-workers or family members about their books. Some authors have in fact found themselves in really serious trouble when outted, not because they write romance but because they write gay romance.
I however am in a completely different situation if not the exact reverse.
No one ever questions why I write m/m romance. No one. This is mostly because I very rarely frame myself as an author of only m/m romance. Although I do write things which fall into that genre, and considered myself part of that community I usually introduce myself as an author of queer or LGBTQA romance. I write about characters who fall all over the spectrum of queer and trans* experience. Also for my characters, as with most queer and trans* people, single identities tend to bleed into one another and be difficult to completely define with just one term.
And no one ever questions why I write almost exclusively about queer and trans* characters because I myself am queer. Not only do I identify as gay or queer, depending on who is asking, and am very out about this but I am also very obviously gender non-conforming in the way I present myself. Everyone expects me to write about queer characters and I think I would get more questions if I didn't. Further the group of people I tend to spent time with, even work with, is self selecting. If someone where to be homophic or transphobic to the point of calling me out over what I choose to write they would already be having a problem with me before we even got to the point of talking about books.
So that part of the equation has never been a problem for me.
The romance element on the other hand has been difficult. Sometimes I hedge the question, and say I write LGBTQA speculative fiction or speculative fiction with strong romance subplots. Both of these answers are true but the fact remains the publishers I work with are romance publishers, my books are sold as romance novels.
In a lot of ways I enjoy writing romance. Sex and relationships, especially romantic relationships, are important to me and endlessly fascinating. While some of my favorite books don't have either I always kind of wished they did. I am a strong believer that just having sex or romance in a book will not automatically make it better. Taking the time to really think about these types of human connection and giving them the same amount of serious consideration as any other element of the characterization or plot though will definitely make a good story stronger. Not to mention when done well it can be amazing and fun to read about.
I have really enjoyed my time writing romance and hope to continue to do so.
I did not grow up reading romance though. I am not well versed in the history of more mainstream heterosexual romance. I have only a very basic grasp of the tried and true tropes that seem to have dominated the romance genre for the last sixty years or so.
I also am all too aware of the stigma attached to reading and writing romance. I know we, as romance authors, are considered the bottom of the barrel within genre fiction world. Writers of fantasy novel with women in chain mail bikinis on the cover get to go to bed secure in the knowledge that at least they are taken more seriously than romance authors are. I sometimes joke with my friend and family by wondering who gets less respect: comic book writers or romance authors?
Probably romance authors.
I have a friend who is in the process of doing a long-term academic study of the portrayal of rape in romance novels from the 1950s to the present. I always have to keep myself from cringing with more than a little bit of shame when she talks about her research with me. I tell myself that this is something all genres are dealing, that there are a lot of romance authors dealing critically and respectfully with the issue of sexual violence but that never stops me from feeling a little bit responsible.
Some days I can feel pride about doing what I want to do and being the writing I want to be despite the stigma and low expectations, even because of them. Some days I just put my head down and say I write fantasy novels with queer characters.
I truly wish I could be one of those people who are proud of being a romance author, for whom the romance part wasn't at all problematic to admit to.
It is an ongoing process for me though.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
National Coming Out Day: Or Confessions of a Queer Butch Who Writes M/M Romance
Yet I write predominantly m/m romance.
I struggle a lot with this because I know I'm not the only queer person or gay woman to write m/m romance yet the overwhelming view of the genre is that it is completely straight women with a few gay men. I mean that makes sense, why would hot and heavy sex scenes which rely heavily on the appreciation of the male form be written by lesbians? Especially the way western society constructs what it means to be a lesbian.
I know for me the answer to that questions is simple: there is a big difference between my sexual fantasy and my lived reality. Lots of things I enjoy reading, writing and fantasizing about do not and should not have a place in my real life. Take my ongoing and deep-abiding love of tentacles and tentacle sex for instance, never going to happen, never want it happen, but boy do I love reading and writing about it.
So for me the question of why I write m/m romance and erotica is not as troubling as why I don't write more lesbain romance and erotica. For me as well there is a lot of guilt, good lesbian romance and erotica is in the vast minority as compared with its male-centered counterparts and if I am going to have a stake in writing anything it should be that. Or at least that's how I feel more often than not. The truth is that while I do write lesbian romance, I write much, much more m/m romance.
There is also a fear in the back of my mind that I write about men more than women because of my own internalized misogyny that tells me that writing about men is better than writing about women. I have no good answer or way to assuage that fear.
Then again I think that there is also a part of me which is too close to the queer female experience and community. Whenever I sit down to write a lesbian romance I am always caught up in the flood of queer politics: what it means to represent X character this way instead of that way, or making sure my femme characters act like Y and not X so I don't support Z view of what it means to be femme. That's not good story telling, that's in-group political thinking. On the other hand this is a group I've been intimately a part of since I first came out to myself in my late teens. I'm not as familiar with what it means to be a gay man. In some ways I think that actually helps and makes me feel freer to just write the just story and not the politics.
I think also the female form, especially in sexual situations, is more scrutinized and I am aware of that. There is so much literature and debate on how to represent a woman sexually in a positive way or if that is even possible. Which leaves me with an entire folder on my computer of lesbian WIPs where the politics literally swallowed the storyline.
None of these issues help sooth the guilt I feel for not writing more lesbian romance, and none of them make the cultural misogyny theory any less likely. These issues are definitely what comes to mind though as I turned over the question of why would a queer woman write more m/m romance than lesbian romance? I just wish I could be the kind of writer who shrugs and says "I write about gay/bi/pan men because that's who my characters are" and is okay with that answer.
Either way I am a queer butch writer who writes m/m and lesbian romance and most of the time I'm okay with that.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Book Recommendation: No Quarter by L.J. LaBarthe
Archangel Chronicles: Book One
You would never know it from his flamboyant lifestyle, but Gabriel’s not just the cheerful, fun-loving adoptive father of a pair of indulged young adult humans. He’s an Archangel, commander of Heaven’s legions of Seraphim, and despite his apparently easy virtue, he’s harboring a serious crush on his superior officer, Michael.
For years Michael has devoted himself to developing a team of humans, the Venatores, to aid in the fight against Hell. He’s been pining after Gabriel for centuries without hope, believing himself to be too serious to attract the other Archangel’s interest. He’s happy to discover that he’s wrong, but their burgeoning relationship is stymied by a major problem: an egomaniacal human is recruiting demons and fallen angels in a bid to take over the world. It’s up to Michael and Gabriel, and the rest of the Brotherhood of Archangels, to beat back the forces of Hell before the Earth is overrun.
What I think:
So I really loved this book. I usually don't read fantasy novels where the main characters are angels because my background in religion and my personal beliefs make it hard to turn off the theologian/spiritual leader parts of my brain when theological elements are strong. I had read L.J. LaBarthe's short story Sunburnt Country though and really liked it a lot, so I was looking forward to picking this one up.
No Quarter didn't disappoint. I felt that both the romantic plot and the more action oriented plot where both balanced and handled well, the sex scenes were hot and incredibly well written and the theology/mythology elements where handled with the utmost respect. I really enjoyed reading about the main characters especially Micheal and found myself intrigued by the other Archangels as well, particularly Tzadkiel and Uriel. All and all I found myself not being able to put it down until the end. I highly recommend it and look forward to the next one, No Surrender, No Retreat, which is scheduled to be released on July 25th 2012.
Where to get No Quarter:
Dreamspinner: ebook http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/st
Amazon: kindle http://amzn.com/B007QQ6O3S and paperback http://www.amazon.com/dp/1613724330/r
Kobo: epub http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/No-Quart
ARe: http://www.allromanceebooks.com/pro
Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/no-quar
Powells: ebook http://www.powells.com/biblio/91-978161
The Book Depository: http://www.bookdepository.com/No-Quarte
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
On sex ... and gender!
I am not kidding when I say that I find incredibly esoteric and specialized porn to be one of the most life-affirming things in the world. Even… no, especially the stuff that doesn’t do anything for me. Every giantess crush site, every furry vore gallery, every Shintaro Kago shit-and-dissection-fest, every body-inflation discussion group, every set of specialized apron-fetish films, every dendrophile fan club, every time I learn a new word like “boytaur” or “OT3″ or “docking” or “unbirth”… all these things bring me a genuine and unironic joy. These things, these kinks, these flights of imagination, are the impassioned obsessions of real people, everyday people. At least one of your coworkers, at least one of your family members. And that’s not creepy, that’s wonderful. Every one of those weird kinks is a shout of human individuality in a world that wants to reduce us down to buying patterns and demographic trends.
Our culture expects women’s – and men’s – bodies to be a certain way. People are very invested in the idea that Men Look Like This and Women Look Like That and Never the Twain Shall Meet. Well, guess what? Nature doesn’t give a fuck about your sexual binary. Nature puts us together in a million different ways – actually, about seven billion, give or take a few hundred thousand – and a lot of us are going to walk that imaginary line. There are going to be short, hairless men with high voices and tall women with deep voices and people who are intersexed in a bunch of different ways, and here’s the great thing – it’s all okay. Every single one of us. There’s not a thing wrong with any of us.
Most people find it difficult to grasp that whatever they like to do sexually will be thoroughly repulsive to someone else, and that whatever repels them sexually will be the most treasured delight of someone, somewhere. One need not like or perform a particular sex act in order to recognize that someone else will, and that this difference does not indicate a lack of good taste, mental health, or intelligence in either party. Most people mistake their sexual preferences for a universal system that will or should work for everyone.
Gayle Rubin, “Theory of the Politics of Sexuality”
On the Writing Front
So far this year I have gotten one short story and a novella accepted for publication by a publisher I am thrilled to be working with (LT3).
I have also written another novella length story I will be submitting also to LT3 in a month or so (my beta reader/editor needs to finish looking it over first). I have also finished the short novel length post-apocalyptic story I talked about last year and hope to submit that to another wonderful publishers come the fall after I've polished it up a bit. I have a novella length urban fantasy story written and waiting in the wings that I can whip out and work on getting published one of these days as well.
I am also in the process of writing a novel length history-fantasy story at the moment and am about two-thirds to three-fourths of the way done it.
Why have I written so much you might ask? Well first because it is fun and I love the idea that someone might actually get to read these stories now as apposed to when I wrote this stuff for fun in the past. Also though because I suspect there will come a time when I will enter a writing slump. For most author's I've talked to this happen the first time they get a really bad, nasty review for one of their books. Or the first time they get dragged unwillingly into some nasty author drama (which is by the way quite prevalent in my genre ::Sighs::). Usually they take a little time to have a bit of a cry and probably a cuddle and remind themselves that they are good at other things besides writing. This period can take a couple days or a couple months depending on the author and what happened. I don't know yet what group I'll fall into but when it, inevitably, happens and I don't feel like writing for however long I want to have a couple stories I can polish and tinker with instead. So it's not completely lost time.
Over all I can't tell you how amazing this has been for me. It seems really surreal at this point that I've actually publish any fiction at all. I mean non-fiction, yeah, I've always known I was good at writing that. So publishing it just seemed the next natural step.
Fiction though, fiction is a whole other ball game for me, especially fantasy.
Writing for me in general has always been a mixed bag because I love it and I love doing it but also my disabilities affect it so much. I've gotten so much ridicule and judgement because of that. I guess I've internalized at least some of it and just assumed I'd never be good enough to publish as an author.
Yet it turns out I can and I have and expect to continue to publish. I have a beta read/editor who works with me for free (bless your heart M.) She takes care of the obvious signs of my disabilities enough so I can send my manuscripts along to publisher afterwards confident they're no worse than anyone else'. It makes it a slower process for me but I don't mind really.
So yeah, all around it's been amazing and I will continue to post as new things crop up.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
I am excited to announce that my fiction will be published
So a couple months ago I sent off a story as a submission to Less Than Three Press for their upcoming private detective anthology. To my complete surprise and happiness they accepted the story for publication in Private Dicks:Undercovers Anthology.
Right now the release date for Private Dicks: Undercovers Anthology is October 24th 2012
My story is, as of now, titled Regarding the Detective's Companion and is a steampunk detective story. My rather awkward little story blurb for it is as follows.
The year is 1843 and in London Jamie Griffith is trying to secure a name for himself as a private investigator or at least scrape together enough money to make the rent. His luck seems to be taking a turn for the better when he is visited by a man offering him the opportunity to work for an unseen client. The mysterious client wants Jamie to travel to College of Natural and Computative Science at Cambridge and investigate a one Professor Robert Daniel Hallingsworth’s involvement in the untimely death of the college’s dean. Eager to prove himself Jamie takes the case and heads to Cambridge to go undercover posing as a research assistant for the extremely eccentric Professor Hallingsworth. Jamie soon finds himself drawn into Hallingsworth’s world and that of the genius inventors and mathematicians Hallingsworth surrounds himself with. It might be due more to his budding feelings towards the professor then anything else, but the longer Jamie stays at the College the less like a cold blooded killer Hallingsworth seems. As the evidence begins to pile up Jamie begins to wonder if anything he had been originally told about the case was in fact the truth.
They've also accepted yet another of my stories, this time as a stand alone ebook. So stay tuned and I'll be writing about that one shortly.
I am extremely excited about this, the first piece of fiction I've ever published and ecstatic about working with the lovely folks at Less Than Three.
Thanks to everyone for giving me encouragement through this process.
Thanks to everyone for giving me encouragement through this process.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
We Are The Youth
Hey all,
We Are the Youth is a photograph journalism project about GLBTQ people in their mid-teens to mid-twenties. The project has mostly focused on the East coast (mostly New York State actually since that's where bot the photographer and interviewer live) but it seems really interesting with some lovely portrait photographs and short biographical stories about the different people. The stories are short and written as they were narrated to the interviewer. Often they are about being gay or trans but not always.
check it out.
We Are the Youth is a photograph journalism project about GLBTQ people in their mid-teens to mid-twenties. The project has mostly focused on the East coast (mostly New York State actually since that's where bot the photographer and interviewer live) but it seems really interesting with some lovely portrait photographs and short biographical stories about the different people. The stories are short and written as they were narrated to the interviewer. Often they are about being gay or trans but not always.
check it out.
Monday, January 3, 2011
2010 places on the net that were (and I hope will continue to be) important to me: Here are some of the high lights.
* I added a Not Safe For Work warning next to a few of these. But really guys, if you work in a place where you have to be careful what you look at what are you doing reading my blog at the workplace? Use your heads.
Genderfork NSFW
Genderfork is just a beautiful place to be. It’s created to be a positive place to embrace and celebrate the gender diversity in our world. It always makes me smile because I know there will always be something cool/beautiful/uplifting posted there. I’m used to being different for so many different reasons but sometimes I get tired when there is no one around me who is even a little bit similar to me. When I go to Genderfork I can remind myself that I’m not the only one who doesn’t fit the norms and that isn’t always a bad thing.
Dicebox NSFW
Dicebox is the only online comic I have consistently read since it started in 2002. It’s just one of those things in my life that never changes. No matter what I’m going through or how my life is changing Jenn Manley Lee’s art will always be breathtakingly beautiful, the storyline of Dicebox nicely complex and the relationship between Molly and Griffen amusing. Besides this comic was where I learned about gender-neutral pronouns in more then a strictly theoretical way.
If you’re a knitter or crochet-er Ravelry is the place to be. I’m not a die hard knitter like my Mom but I have been known to knit a hat or two during long committee meetings. Ravelry is a little like Facebook in that you have a profile and you can join groups and talk to other knitters or crochet-doers (I’m not sure what to call you guys). They also have a huge search engine full of patterns, yarn stores, books, and supplies. If you want to know what other people are making out of that yarn you just got go on Ravelry. If you want to see if you can find a hat patter with ear flats that’s also free go on Ravelry. If you want to see pictures of what this patter is going to look like once you’re done and you don’t want to rely on the tiny black and white picture at the bottom of the patter go on Revelry. It’s just that cool.
Rooster Tails NSWF
This is an incredibly adorable comic-blog by a transman and his genderqueer partner in New Zealand. I’ve loved every single entry so far and can empathize with it a lot. It’s not just how gender issues are talked about, but also the strips on anxiety, the X-Men, butch mice and sweater-vests make me glad I’m not the only one who thinks about these things.
I have to admit it I’m a little bit of a snob when it comes to cooking. I love to cook and part of my job these days is to cook. Which means that I just can’t turn off the at little voice in the back of my head that say “I could do better.” Vegan blog’s I’m particularly hard on. I’m always reading them and thinking, they could use less expensive ingredients or there is an easier way to do this, or but I can’t eat this and buy local at the same time. Vegan Dad’s blog isn’t like that though. It’s become one of my two go-to places for vegan cooking. Why because the recipe’s are easy, fast, cheep-er and delicious. I haven’t made a bad thing off of this site.
Male Submission Art NSFW
When I am an professional academic I study race, gender, sexuality as these concepts have changed over time. I’ve found that one of the best ways to do this is to study images that reflect societal ideas and ideals regarding any or all of these concepts. However, while there as been lots of brilliant work done on gender and race both in theory and in American society, there is not that kind of body of work on sexuality. When I say I study sexuality I mean not just sexual orientation but sexuality more broadly. My perception of academia is this is not widely encouraged. More over historical theory tends to look at sexualized images as strictly who is being oppressed by whom and how does this image support larger systems of procession. There is no or very little acknowledgement that an image might mean different things to different people and a sexual one doubly so. Male Submission Art has meant so much to me because for the first time I am presented with thoughtful commentary on what makes pictures sexual and to whom. I appreciate and respect the work being done by maymay, the site maintainer, immensely. I also find many of these images sexy or attractive myself which is rare when it comes to visual erotica.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The lightning-powered airship "Golden Colander": The Art of Ursula Vernon (NSFW)
Hello all you fabulous beings!
Well through a post on a blog that I read which mentioned something about her I recently ran across the art of Ursula Vernon. I fell in love with it right away. When I was a undergrad in college, in the not so distant passed, her graphic novels Digger was quite popular among the geeks of which, lets face it, I am one. However I hadn't read any of her stuff at the time, being overcome with school work and all that. My loss it turns out. I love the whimsy of her work. I love how so much of it is at once so fantastical and so down to earth. Ursula is obviously one of those people who has figured out that the weird can be fun and that's ok. It doesn't have to have a deeper meaning but if it does that's ok too. Truthfully there isn't anything of hers, that I've seen, that I dislike but my two favorite art series by her are Weird Fruit and Phalloi.
Weird Fruit is a series of painting of different anthropomorphized fruit and vegetables. I've never seen anyone who antrhopomorphized fruit to look like different kinds of animals but I love the idea of pears with teeth, or lemons with horns, eggplant with chicken legs and squash with bat wings. Weird Fruit indeed because let's face it the only thing weirder then a fruit or vegetable is an animal. These are definitely the prints I want in my kitchen.
Another series of paintings by Ursula Vernon is the series Phalloi. This was actually how I found Ursula's art in the first place when this series came up in a conversation between a bunch of people who wear, use and love packers. We were having a conversation about how they can be cute and someone mentioned Ursula's Phalloi paintings. The series was inspired by the Ancient Roman's who wore pendants of phalluses with wings or little feet for good luck. These good luck charms were worn by both men and women, old and young.
Penises are not often portrayed as cute or cuddly in our culture. Yet that's how Phalloi portrays them and I like that*.
*more of my thoughts on portrayals of masculinity later.
Well through a post on a blog that I read which mentioned something about her I recently ran across the art of Ursula Vernon. I fell in love with it right away. When I was a undergrad in college, in the not so distant passed, her graphic novels Digger was quite popular among the geeks of which, lets face it, I am one. However I hadn't read any of her stuff at the time, being overcome with school work and all that. My loss it turns out. I love the whimsy of her work. I love how so much of it is at once so fantastical and so down to earth. Ursula is obviously one of those people who has figured out that the weird can be fun and that's ok. It doesn't have to have a deeper meaning but if it does that's ok too. Truthfully there isn't anything of hers, that I've seen, that I dislike but my two favorite art series by her are Weird Fruit and Phalloi.
Weird Fruit is a series of painting of different anthropomorphized fruit and vegetables. I've never seen anyone who antrhopomorphized fruit to look like different kinds of animals but I love the idea of pears with teeth, or lemons with horns, eggplant with chicken legs and squash with bat wings. Weird Fruit indeed because let's face it the only thing weirder then a fruit or vegetable is an animal. These are definitely the prints I want in my kitchen.
Another series of paintings by Ursula Vernon is the series Phalloi. This was actually how I found Ursula's art in the first place when this series came up in a conversation between a bunch of people who wear, use and love packers. We were having a conversation about how they can be cute and someone mentioned Ursula's Phalloi paintings. The series was inspired by the Ancient Roman's who wore pendants of phalluses with wings or little feet for good luck. These good luck charms were worn by both men and women, old and young.
Penises are not often portrayed as cute or cuddly in our culture. Yet that's how Phalloi portrays them and I like that*.
*more of my thoughts on portrayals of masculinity later.
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