Let's Talk Sex: buying a pack and play realistic dildo

Recently I purchased a "Bendable Bobby"(name given by the manufacturer) or a "Otto"(name given by the retailer) realistic pack and play dildo.

I had originally just wanted a realistic dildo not a pack and play since I, well, often don't pack and play. Plus I already have a packer I like just fine. I very rarely have any money to spend on toys though and so I went with my cheapest option for realistic dildos. It turned out my cheapest option was the Otto pack and play.

Since I try to support small/feminist/queer run sex shops as much as possible I bought my new dildo from Early To Bed's online store.

I had originally seen an add for Early To Bed, a small feminist sex shop in Chicago, on Oh Joy Sex Toy one of my all time favorite webcomics.

It turned out buying from Early To Bed was a great experience. I had originally clicked on the option to picking up the dildo at their store, instead of having them ship it to New York, by mistake. They emailed me with a very friendly and personal reminder when the dildo came into the shop and I explained that I needed it shipped. They told me no problem, shipped it right out and I literally got it the next day. They were friendly, helpful and professional through the whole thing.

They say that "Early to Bed is committed to helping people of all genders and orientations explore their sexuality to the fullest" right up front on their website. I like that they don't hide the fact that they market to the trans* male community.

I was also impressed by the dildo itself. The Otto is $20.00 from Early To Bed. That is extremely cheap for a sex toy so I had pretty low expectations when it came. Otto or "Bendable Bobby" is a lot better of a toy than I was expecting though.

It's a nice size dildo, 6 insertable inchs with a 1.5 width.  It is made out of PTE, which has that Cyberskin feel to, it with a solid bendable core and full balls. It is a pinky vanilla color which only looks realistic if your skin is undead-pale (luckily for me, mine is.)

Pack and play dildos are able to be bent into a down ward 'flaccid' position to pack into your trousers and give yourself a nice bulge. When it's time to have sex the pack and play can be bent back up into an erects position for blow jobs, penetration and what not.

Right now there is no perfect pack and play on the market. Although it is worth noting I have heard really good things about Silky and Shilo pack and play dildos. Even really good pack and plays will make you look half hard while you are packing with them and are less than perfect dildos for sex. So be aware that there will be flaws to any pack and play dildo you buy.

Early to Bed is pretty upfront about the cons when it comes to this particularly toy:
- The core is not attached to the back.

-PTE or any cyberskin like material dirties easily and is hard to clean well. Plus no one but the manufacture is a 110% sure what is in it. 

-this will probably not last as long as many other dildos.

-it only comes in the vampiric pale shade. So if you are not one of the living dead it will not match your skin color.

-its shape makes it a little awkward to use with a harness.   

Cons I noticed while using are:
-when you bend it the solid but flexible core makes a cracking noise. Which most people, I am guessing, do not want to hear coming from their dick.


-like all cyberskin toys it is nicely squishy but can also be a little tacky on the outside, which is why most people recommend brushing lightly with cornstarch.
 
-I had a hard time using this toy for anal penetration. It's a little soft I found. Even after prepping extensively, trying multiple positions and warming up with a larger and harder toy I still couldn't get it to work. People may have better luck using it for anal when there are two people involves to figure out the angle and positioning. But as far as solo play goes, it's not a great anal toy.

-you do need to store it in a sleeve or bag. If you leave it, say on the coffee table over night, without a sock then it will leave a stain on the surface of said coffee table (don't ask what is in it that leeches out and stains things)


The pros are:
it is extremely cheap

it has nice detailing of veins along the shaft and the head is well defined.

I enjoy the fact that it has balls

it bends a little when it penetrates to fit the contours of the inside of your body. 

it does have a nice squeezable texture in your hand while you're jerking it off.

My recommendation would be this: always use a condom.
Doesn't matter if you're using it for penetration or a hand job, just always cover it.
A condom will keep it clean.
It will allow you to use it to fuck both your, or a partner's, front vagina and ass.
A condom will allow it to safely be used by or on more than one person.
It will make it feel better/more realistic in your hand/mouth/hole.
It will also protect you and/or partner(s) against whatever sketchy chemicals may or may not be in it.

I not only use a condom on it every single time regardless of what I'm doing with it, but I also stretch the condom a little to cover part of the back so as little of my own skin comes into contact with the toy as possible. Better safe than sorry I say.

So yeah, bottom line is if you are looking for a realistic dildo or a pack and play and can afford a better one go for that. If you can't afford it then this is not a bad choice. In fact I've paid a lot more for a lot worse toys.

I was also extremely happy working with Early to Bed and will definitely be buying from them again. If you are in the Chicago area I would check them out, or keep them in mind for your online sex toy/supplies purchases.

Lime and ginger cordial and summer gimlets (cordial and cocktail recipe)

let's talk about cooking again, or to be more accurate, let's talk about cocktails.

My drink of choice has been a gin and tonic since I was an undergraduate. Over the past year however, I have become fond of the dragonfly which is gin, ginger ale and a squeeze of lime. Over the summer though while poking around for another delicious looking gin cocktail I came across the great gimlet debate.

I will admit I've never had a gimlet before but when I was reading over a list of gin cocktails it jumped out at me as sounding particularly tasty, and rather historical.

The debate around this particular old school cocktail however is whether you absolutely need to use Rose's sweetened lime juice. Mostly because according to some it tastes of the bottle it comes in plus the preservatives used to give it its shelf life. Some people recommended making your own lime sour and intrigued I started looking at recipes.

The winner of my afternoon's research was this recipe for lime and ginger cordial which can be used instead of Rose's to make a really, really delicious gimlet.

The recipe is simple and inexpensive, really, the most expensive part of the entire thing is the gin. 

One Saturday afternoon I went to my local Trader Joe's and came back with a whole lot of limes and a piece of ginger root and set about making some cordial.

I used:
10 limes
one 4 inch piece of ginger root
2 cups sugar

a vegetable peeler
a glass pitcher or canning jar with lid
a fine mess strainer
a food processor or blender
a cutting board
a pairing knife
a lemon juicer or small spoon
several small bowls

Scrub all your limes thoroughly.

Then peel all the limes with a vegetable peeler. The article says to be careful not to peel any of the while as well but I found it was actually easier just to peel the skin without gauging at the white so no problems there. put the peels in a bowl and set aside.

Then cut the limes in half and juice them. I used a spoon, but a juicer would be a much, much better idea. I got about 2 cups of lime juice out of them.

The article says to use a glass container with a lid. I have a glass pitcher with a lid my parents gave me for Christmas but a large canning jar would work just as well. 

Pour the lime juice into the jar and then crush the peels between your hands to release the oils and add them as well.

Next wash your piece of ginger, trimming off any bad spots, and put it in a food processor. The article says you don't need to peel it so I didn't and it turned out fine.  Pulse chop the ginger until it is ground finely and add that to the lime juice and peel.

Add the sugar a cup at a time, stirring until all the sugar has been dissolved. Because the liquid is cold this will take a while. I actually sat down and watched an episode of Miss Marple while I was stirring the sugar in. It will incorporate eventually though.

What you end up with will look like this:

Put into the refrigerator and let sit for 12 to 24 hours.

After it has sat use a fine mesh strainer and strain out all of the pulp and peels from the cordial. Put the liquid that remains back into the glass container and refrigerate again for another 12 to 24 hours.

At the end you will end up with this:

I had just about 2 cups of cordial when all was said and done.

You can use the cordial and mix it with seltzer water to make a delicious non-alcoholic drink  or you can used it as your base for an amazing gin gimlet.

For the gimlet I used:
2 shots gin
1 shot cordial
top it off with lime seltzer and a lime wheel (optional) 

Add two ice cubes, gin, and cordial to a cocktail shaker, shake well, and pour into cocktail glass. Add seltzer and lime wheel if you are so inclined and enjoy. I usually keep the ice cubes in the glass to keep my gimlet cold but that too is completely up to your preference.

In Which I Talk About What TV I've Been Watching Lately

I am officially off from school now ::high fives:: although I have plenty of school related things to worry about over the summer. I do have a little more spare time though and have been trying to use some of that spare time to relax. Part of trying to relax for me is watching some fun tv shows.

Right now  I am watching:

Masterchef: (U.S. series) 

 

I started watching MasterChef last year when I was stressing out about going to graduate school. I am a huge fan of food related reality shows/competitions and MasterChef has quickly become one of my favorites. I like the competition aspect, I like that it is slightly less silly and slightly more focused on food then America's Hell's Kitchen. I enjoyed the combination of Ramsay, Elliot, and Bastianich who I personally love to hate.

Season 4 has just started so it's too soon to tell who will be my favorites or who I think has a legitimate chance at winning, but I think it's going to be a fun season. 

Hannibal: 

Hannibal is an amazing show which if it continues to be as good as the first season has been so far will make it to my list of top favorite tv shows ever. I adore it for its great writing, and beautiful production. The costuming is to die for, the food design is amazing, the characterization of all the main characters makes me want to buy the writing team really expensive presents. The entire thing is for lack of a better word just very mature and adult. I especially love how the writers don't seem to feel the need to explain every little facet and nuance of the story and world using small words and maybe diagrams like so many tv shows do.

Being so involved in the show for me as been kind of weird. Of those popular things for which I have had a fannish interest I'm usually counted as an old school fan: I was a Classic Doctor Who fan since I was about 12, since both of my parents are fans I've been watching Star Trek forever pretty much, I've been a Holmesian since I was 6. When it comes to Hannibal though I have no background in the fandom at all. I've seen none of the movies, I only know the books exist because they were favorites of my undergraduate adviser with whom I was close.  So it's a little shocking to me when people talk about "new fans" to realize for the first time ever that includes me.

I am loving it though and so excited that the show was renewed for a second season, hopefully the quality stays high. I also hope to do a longer post with my thoughts, feels and squees.  

Regarding Fruit Bowls

So this year my only New Year's resolution was to eat more fresh fruit. To facilitate this I have been keeping a bowl of fresh fruit next to my desk. I however only have one serving bowl which now awkwardly doubles a my fruit bowl, which means every time I need to serve something in a bowl (say pudding, I make a lot of pudding) I need to go fetch my fruit bowl and empty the fruit out.

This has led to my decision to buy myself another bowl this one with the express purpose of holding fruit. Hanna Howard makes lovely hand painted mugs and bowls often with literary quotes on them for a reasonable price. I thought it might be nice to have her make a bowl for me.

Which brings me to the hard part, choosing a quote. So far I've thought of two good ones:

“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage." — Rainer Maria Rilke

"When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left I buy food and clothes." -Desiderius Erasmus 

Anyone have any good quotes, about writing or scholarship particularly, they would like to share?  

It's a Holmesian Thing: Fanfiction, Sherlock Holmes and Non-Canonical Works

Something about the writing world I find really weird is that fanfiction is a fringe, rather subversive act which inhabits this legally grey space. Except of course for the fact that when a work gets to a be a certain age (matures like fine wine or cheese) it's suddenly completely okay to be paid to write fanfiction about it.

I became obsessed with Sherlock Holmes when I was seven. My father and to a lesser extent my mother had always been fans Sherlock Holmes. So when they found a tape recording of some of the Sherlock Holmes stories abridged to make them appropriate for young children they bought it for me and my sister. My sister thought they were cool but I was totally hooked. I listened to them over and over again, soon it had become my most requested story tape to listen to before I went to bed at night. I became such a fan my parents finally let me watch a select few episodes of the Granada Television adaptations starring Jeremy Brett that they had recorded on VHS.

With that they created a monster, I was obsessed. From that moment on I knew exactly who I wanted to be when I grew up, I wanted to be Sherlock Holmes. None of this cartoonish running around with a magnifying class and deerstalker either, I wanted to be Jeremy Brett's elegant, Victorian detective. At eight or nine, I was finally allowed to watch all the Granada episodes along with all of the original stories. I cried when Holmes went over the edge at the Reichenbach falls, devastated that Doyle would be so cruel as to make my idol die. When my mother told me he didn't really die I was so sure she was just lying to me to make me feel better that I swore off all the rest of the stories. She had to sit me down and physically forced me to watch the tv adaptation of The Adventure of the Empty House (since I was too distraught to read the story)before I believed her.

Over the years my dedication to the Sherlock Holmes universe has not wavered. I own multiple copies of the stories, some with the original, annotated in various ways. I own numerous Holmesian volumes and am always looking to buy more. I have written articles on Sherlock Holmes, especially around images of male intimacy in the stories and contributed to the annotated homoerotic Sherlock Holmes project. Liking the original Sherlock Holmes stories is one of the very few musts in anyone I date. Each new Sherlock Holmes adaptation to tv or film I meet with a certain level of trepidation, will I like it? Will it offend my Sherlock Holmes purist sensibilities?

Yet one part of the Holmesian subculture I still find rather odd. I find it extremely strange that many authors write Sherlock Holmes stories, not just the way your average fan writes fanfiction but actually for pay. People take Sherlock Holmes, Dr. Watson, Mycroft, Mrs. Hudson and their world and turn them into their own as part of their jobs. There are whole anthologies of new Sherlock Holmes stories. Multiple series of books with Sherlock Holmes as a main character, sometimes interacting with original characters sometimes not.

I just can't get over the non-canonical works. It both confuses and intrigues me. Part of me marvels at our professional writing and publishing culture where fanfiction is demonized but this is completely accepted. While another part of me wonders how do you write Sherlock Holmes well enough to make him your own like that? How do you put yourself out there the new Arthur Conan Doyle? An increasingly larger part of my mind, the part that's wanted to be the Great Detective since I was seven wonders if I was given the opportunity to write the new adventures of Sherlock Holmes would I? Or maybe why would I not?

 

Richard III: Found at Last

I've been a life long history nut. Although I study American history now I've been obsessed with all sorts of different historical times and subjects off and on through my life.  I don't even remember what got me onto Richard III and the Princes in the Tower, I just remember falling in love sometime in high school.

I loved the mystery of it, not only what happened to the princes but the mystery surrounding Richard himself. In someways that is a tone of stuff on Richard III, not least an entire Shakespeare play, pretty much every Tudor scholar wrote about him, Victorians were obsessed with him. Yet Richard III is a case study for unreliable sources. Richard III was the last king of the line of York and the last true Plantagenet. Henry VII who took the throne after him had barely any actual claim to it, what he did do was invade England with a large army killing Richard off in the process and then subsequently every one else who stood between him and the throne. The Tudor line was powerful and went on to be incredibly memorable but had very little actual blood claim to the throne of England. One of the things they did to remedy that was to re-write history. New history were written solidifying Henry VII's claim, and older histories were destroyed or physically altered. A big part of the Tudor's historical re-write was portraying Richard III as an unfit king, which morphed over time into describing him as an out and out monster. 

Roughly five hundred years later that leaves historians with a problem, we don't know what is true and what is simply legend. We are swimming in descriptions of Richard and his reign but none of them reliable, even paintings have been tampered with, and a huge amount of historical detail lost to the large amount of time which has elapsed since his death. Pretty much everything about Richard is debated by historians.

We don't know what kind of king he was, what his relationship with the other historical figures or factions of his time was like. We don't know for sure what his relationship with his wife was like, she died during his reign but her death too is shrouded in myth. We don't know what is relationship was like with his brother Edward IV. Edward's two sons go missing during Richard's reign, we know they were kidnapped at one point by a rival faction, but after that they disappear completely. Richard is reputed to have killed them, but their bodies have never been found and there is no non-questionable historical evidence either way. Shakespeare and many of his contemporary writers describe Richard as being a hunchback with a withered arm. Historians have debated how much of that is true, did he have some physical impairments? Where they minor or, as the Tudor's wrote it, major, or fabricated after his death wholesale?

Tudor historians generally want to play down the amount of historical re-writing the dynasty did. Richard historians generally just bang their heads against their desks and cry piteously as the authenticity of yet another document or artifact is called into question.    

For me Richard III is fascinating as one of the ultimate historical puzzles. On top of that he's just an amazing character, whether you want to paint him as a cunning villain, a tragic hero or enigmatic politician who lived during one of England's most termulant eras it's all good to me. 

Yesterday an archaeological team at the University of Leicester announced that they have identified human remains found under a car park as Richard III's.

 Agence France-Presse — Getty Images

 (Finally after five hundred years the man himself in the flesh -- as it were)

This is exciting for me because any historical or archaeological evidence from Richard III's reign is scarce and valuable. It will also, I hope, spur on more historical research into him. At the very least we'll be able to figure out which of the portrays of him are the most accurate and lay to rest the controversy around if they were tampered with and how. Also it gets the general population talking and hopefully reading more about him.

If nothing else Richard III trended on Twitter and which makes the Richard III fanboi in me extremely happy.

Knitting The Doctor Who Scarf: planning

I have to admit I am a Classic Who fan. I mean I like the new series but I love the classic stuff. My favorite of the Doctors is the Fourth. I adore Tom Baker's style as the Doctor, that slightly crazy, slightly vague all around weird vibe he gives off. Of the Fourth Doctor's run, which is the longest to date, I love the early episodes the best the ones with Sarah Jane, because she is my favorite companion. One of the most iconic features of the Fourth Doctor is his scarf.

I've always wanted a scarf like the Fourth Doctor's but I never really thought about it seriously. Buying replicas of the scarf is extremely expensive and most of the time I struggle to pay my rent. Although I've known how to knit since I was eleven the scarf is about 12 feet long and that just seemed like too daunting a project.

This semester has been really tough for me though. I've taken a bunch of classes from demanding professors who are not in my field and as was to be expected I've struggled. Halfway through writing my finals I desided the time had come to knit the Fourth Doctor's scarf.


Over the course of the Tom Baker's long run as the Doctor the scarf took a lot of wear and changed. At one point a totally new scarf had to be made. So the scarf actually differed from season to season. Since my favorite season of the Fourth Doctor's were the first couple, seasons 12 and 13 technically, I decided to knit the incarnation of the scarf from the first season.

Having decided on the season 12's scarf I did a little research which brought my to the Doctor Who Scarf site. The site provided me with a pattern for knitting an exact (or pretty close) replica of the season 12 Doctor Who scarf.

Originally I assumed I would knit the scarf out of acrylic yarn. The original scarf was knit out of wool but I, being the poor grad student that I am, thought I'd only be able to afford acrylic yarn. Since then my sister has decided enough yarn to make a Doctor Who scarf would be the perfect Holiday gift so I will be knitting it out of wool (and pretending that I'm surprised when I open my present.)

The problem I'm grappling with right now is how to shorten the scarf for me.

The original scarf was 12 feet long. Tom Baker is 6 foot 3 inches and the scarf could loop around him down to the ground twice.  I am 4 foot 11 inches tall and I'm pretty sure I can't physically wear a 12 foot scarf. So I've been trying to figure out how to shorten it without ruining the integrity of the original scarf. If I just stopped knitting two feet before the pattern then it would be a different scarf probably closest to season 14 not the season 12 scarf I want to knit. All of the stripes are different sizes so I'm having trouble trying to figure out how to lessen the strip width evenly through-out the entire scarf. If I was just knitting a scarf to have a scarf that would be one things but this is a replica so it needs to be more exact.

Any ideas about how I could do this?

Happy Birthday, Neil Gaiman

Neverwhere was the first thing by Neil Gaiman I ever read. I was in high school I think. It came into the house via one of the massive raids my Dad did on the library for anything science fiction or fantasy related. I picked it out because it looked interesting and loved every minutes of it. The world building, the amazing creativity of it, just blew me away. I read Good Omens and Sandman not long after that and for me Neil became an author to watch. I loved Coraline and Wolves in the Walls particularly because they could be read by younger audiences but were in no way dumbed down or less scary because of it. Anansi Boys came out while I was in college, and The Graveyard Book while I was struggling to learn how to not be in college.

The man my sister ended up marrying gave me a copy of Fragile Things for Christmas one year. To this day it lives in my backpack for those times when I'm in waiting rooms or airports and just need something good to re-read.

Over the last year I have been getting caught up on reading through Neil Gaiman's blog starting at the beginning with the American Gods tour and working my way up to the present. I find it incredibly soothing to, as I begin to publish my own work, read about his dogs, bees and what he's cooked for breakfast lately.

I think for me, like for so many, Neil Gaiman is definitely one of the writers I aspire to be like. Not because I want to write his books because I don't, I want to write mine, or because of the money and fame he's achieved through writing but because of the large amount of creativity I see reflected in his work.  I want my stories to speak of raw creativity, even if it is in an unpolished and messy way sometimes (especially in a messy way sometimes). I always want to be the author who can write stories that are blatant homages to Sherlock Holmes or the Cthulhu Mythos and have that be okay. I want to be a good enough author to craft it in such a way where it is close enough to the original source for people know immediately that's what you're doing but not so close it feels stale. 

Most of all though I want to be the kind of person who does what I love and what makes me happy everyday, and be able to survive that way. 

 

So here's to many more years of doing what makes you happy Neil Gaiman, whatever that might be, and inspiring me to do the same.

Halloween Rentboys and Halloween Fun

So I love Halloween. It is one of my favorite holiday, and although I don't really like the commercial aspects of it, I love dressing up and throwing a party. Every fall as the weather gets colder I crack out my copy of Mary Shelly's Frankenstein or Bram Stoker's Dracula, my collection of H.P. Lovecraft stories, my Gothic horror anthology and anything written by Barbara Michaels.

Last Halloween I and my amazing brothers threw a Halloween party that including lots of stuff like this: 

And this:

Although it is more than a month away I've already started planning for this Halloween. I am not a hundred percent sure what I'm going to be doing yet, but hopefully it will be amazing.

One awesome thing that will be happening is that Less Than Three Press will be putting out a small collection of Halloween Rentboy stories. These are all short stories about paranormal male prostitutes for your reading pleasure.

 

Changeling Moon is my story for the collection and it was super fun and sexy to write so I am pleased.

Dyer has a secret, and the only one who can help him keep it, and thereby help keep him alive, is the beautiful changeling whore that Dyer visits whenever he's in town—the changeling that Dyer wishes could be so much more than a man with whom he has struck a bargain.

Check it out on Goodreads. 

While you're at it also check out the other amazing stories in the collection thus far, it is going to be awesome and I can't wait.

One of the Greatest Art Forms

So something very few people know about me is that I am a huge, huge opera fan. As far as I'm concerned opera, when done well, combines some of the best parts of music, singing, story telling and acting. It is just so amazing to watch a talented opera company perform one of the great operas.  It is a truly emotional, mesmerizing incredible experience. I like listening to operas too although for me the music and the vocals are only half of what a great opera production is all about. I like watching videos of great productions as well but nothing equals actually being there in person.

Thus it's always been a dream of mine to see at least one opera performed by the Metropolitan Opera company in person. My sister who is just as big an opera fan as I am had been plotting with me for years to one day go to New York and see a production. Since tickets run several hundred dollars or more though we always framed it as sometime in the distance future.  

Of course the Met's latest production of the Wagner's The Ring Cycle is the talk of the opera world right now and when I started reading about it and then going online to look at the next season at the Met I saw that they actually have some opportunities for students to see productions on the cheap (well somewhat cheap). I began to think the time when I would see a production at the Met in person might be coming.

So yes, I have no production in particular picked out or dates set but one of my goals for the next opera season is to see if I can swing going to see at least one.

The God of Chaos and Other Things

So ironically enough going to see the Avengers in theaters with my brothers yesterday (the movie was excellent we all enjoyed it) reminded me how much love Loki in Norse mythology.

I say ironically because I just spent the better part of a year obsessively studying Norse mythology and Viking age Iceland (I've written a number of novella stories related to this) yet it was a comic book movie that reminded me of my love for the God of chaos. Loki though is really an amazingly complex character. He can be good, or evil, God and Jötunn, truth teller, liar, shape-shifter, God of fire and all around plotter and schemer. He is my favorite kind of character.

This lovely illustration by Arthur Rackham for a scene from Wagner's Ring Cycle where Loki taunts the distraught Rhine maidens has hung over my writing desk pinned to by bulletin board since  I was about sixteen. It is one of my favorite Arthur Rackham illustrations and one of my favorite portrayals of Loki. I love the fact that steam rises from the water where his foot touches it as if his body is made of fire.

Another of my favorite illustrators, John Bauer, did an rendering of one of my favorite myths involving Loki all be it a rather strange and confusing one.

In this story which is told in a short stanza within the Hyndluljóð 

Loki ate some of the heart, the thought-stone of a woman,

roasted on a linden-wood fire, he found it half-cooked;

Lopt was impregnated by a wicked woman,

from whom every ogress on earth is descended.

In this story Loki eats a human heart. We aren't quite sure why or who's heart it is although it does seem to be the heart of someone who practiced very powerful magic because eating the heart impregnates Loki. Loki ends up giving birth to an "ogre." Now "ogre" itself is a French word and although very similar creatures appear in many mythologies ogres as large, viscous, people-eating creatures is a central European folktale creation and doesn't actually appear in Norse mythology that I am aware of.

The passage can also be translated thus:

A heart ate Loki,-- | in the embers it lay,

And half-cooked found he | the woman's heart;--

With child from the woman | Lopt soon was,

And thence among men | came the monsters all.

Now between "ogre" and "monsters" I like to think, and other have also put this forward, that Loki gave birth to the first troll-mother, and that is where the Norse trolls come from. 

It makes sense within the realm of Norse mythology and even more sense given the way I have re-imagined trolls in my own work. I can very easily see them as being the children of chaos, fire and very powerful magic. It would still probably horrify Girin though. 

On the Writing Front

So far this year I have gotten one short story and a novella accepted for publication by a publisher I am thrilled to be working with (LT3). 

I have also written another novella length story I will be submitting also to LT3 in a month or so (my beta reader/editor needs to finish looking it over first). I have also finished the short novel length post-apocalyptic story I talked about last year and hope to submit that to another wonderful publishers come the fall after I've polished it up a bit. I have a novella length urban fantasy story written and waiting in the wings that I can whip out and work on getting published one of these days as well. 

I am also in the process of writing a novel length history-fantasy story at the moment and am about two-thirds to three-fourths of the way done it. 

Why have I written so much you might ask? Well first because it is fun and I love the idea that someone might actually get to read these stories now as apposed to when I wrote this stuff for fun in the past. Also though because I suspect there will come a time when I will enter a writing slump. For most author's I've talked to this happen the first time they get a really bad, nasty review for one of their books. Or the first time they get dragged unwillingly into some nasty author drama (which is by the way quite prevalent in my genre ::Sighs::). Usually they take a little time to have a bit of a cry and probably a cuddle and remind themselves that they are good at other things besides writing. This period can take a couple days or a couple months depending on the author and what happened. I don't know yet what group I'll fall into but when it, inevitably, happens and I don't feel like writing for however long I want to have a couple stories I can polish and tinker with instead. So it's not completely lost time. 

Over all I can't tell you how amazing this has been for me. It seems really surreal at this point that I've actually publish any fiction at all. I mean non-fiction, yeah, I've always known I was good at writing that. So publishing it just seemed the next natural step. 

Fiction though, fiction is a whole other ball game for me, especially fantasy.   

Writing for me in general has always been a mixed bag because I love it and I love doing it but also my disabilities affect it so much. I've gotten so much ridicule and judgement because of that. I guess I've internalized at least some of it and just assumed I'd never be good enough to publish as an author. 

Yet it turns out I can and I have and expect to continue to publish. I have a beta read/editor who works with me for free (bless your heart M.) She takes care of the obvious signs of my disabilities enough so I can send my manuscripts along to publisher afterwards confident they're no worse than anyone else'. It makes it a slower process for me but I don't mind really.  

So yeah, all around it's been amazing and I will continue to post as new things crop up. 

Grad School Blues

Greetings you all!

So I've been doing the whole grad school process over again. You may remember that I was foiled in my attempts to attend graduate school last year due to money issues. Well this years as been a lot better for me with more acceptances and more importantly more acceptances into school that won't cost as much for me to go. I am however still waiting on the very last one which frustratingly enough is the one which I not only would love to go to but also would be my most affordable option.

No matter what happens however I will be going to graduate school for American History starting in the fall, I've gotten enough offers for that to definitely happen I just don't know where yet.

On top of that I will be graduating in less then a week with a degree in paralegal studies.

More Lunch Related Stuff

Hey All,

so my Mom made my brother and I these great utensil holders/place mats/napkin holders to take with us for lunch at school.

The outside is made out of a fabric that has some kind of water-resistant coating on it. The inside is leftover fabric I bought about a year ago to make boxer shorts with. The napkin is made out of fabric I also bought to make boxer shorts.

The whole thing folds in half and then rolls up. The tie on mine is made out of leftover fabric from a set of pillow cases my Mom made me for Christmas. The entire thing is made out of cotton fabric so it can just be popped in the wash when it gets dirty. It's a great way to use up fabric scraps too.

Anime I Have Watched And Enjoyed (the more thought provoking collection)

Mostly I watch anime for the same thing I watch all television: escapism. However some anime series made me think a little more deeply then you average fun and fluffy show. These are my favorites thus far:


Death Note:

Love it or hate it, people who watch the show generally come away with some sort of strong reaction to it. In fact anime fans are so divided over whether the series is genius or simply unwatchable that some review sites post two completely different reviews from either stand point.

I have to say I love Death Note. I think it's a fantastic anime for many reasons but most of all because it made me think while I watched it. Death Note tells the story of a young man (Light) who, through chance, ends up getting the power to kill anyone in the world and the brilliant young detective (L) who is hell bent on stopping him. The series delves into such questions as: what is justice, is killing ever justified, who decides what is moral-an individual, society, the government, does power always corrupt, and does the ends always justify the means?


 It is available on Netflix watch instantly.

Mushi-shi

 Mushi-shi was the first anime I ever watched were I said to myself 'this is art.' The animation style is beautiful; soft and dreamlike while still being highly detailed. The sound track is so lovely that, for the first time ever, I went out and got it. The story itself weaves science with mythology together to create an organism that exists both in our world and outside of it called 'mushi'.

 The anime is set sometime between the Edo and Meiji periods and follows Ginko-a mushi master-who travels, studying mushi and helping out when the mushi's world and out world don't intact as harmoniously as they could.

There is a lot in Mushi-shi about how we choose to interact with our surroundings, and how even things we can't see or outwardly detect can change our environments and lives.

Mushi-shi is available to watch on both Netflix watch instantly and Hulu.

Durarara!!

Durarara!! tells the story of several small groups of people-sometimes connected and sometimes not-living in Ikebukuro,Tokyo. The anime uses magical realism to look at the phenomenon of urban legend; how legends start and how information travels and changes.

In the series some urban legends that seem incredible are true. For instance the legend of the headless motorcyclists is true, she is in fact headless and sharing an apartment in the city with a med student. While some legends, like the Dollars Gang, start out as false and end up taking on a life of their own.

I have to admit I haven't finished the show yet but I love the art style and how it make me think about how and why we tell stories and the kind of power these stories have over us.

Available to watch on Crunchyroll

No.6

No. 6 is the only anime on this list which is still on going. As of today only 8 out of 10 episodes have been aired in Japan and the entire series won't be officially available in the US for another year. However you can watch the show so far subbed online.

No. 6 is a dystopian story that follows one, rather quiet and geeky young man living in an utopian-like city-'No. 6'- completely cut off from what seems to be a post-apocalyptic world.

I am not a huge fan of dystopia in general but I have fallen in love with No. 6 because it emphasizes human kindness. Sion the main character shows kindness to a hurt and scared boy his own age (Nezumi) when he's twelve an act that changes both their lives forever.

In No. 6 the fear, hatred and oppressive government regime that has separated the city from the destroyed wasteland outside is broken down when Sion acts in kindness towards someone he has been taught to fear. When Nezumi returns that kindness four years later the two create not only a deep personal bond but also a knew way of being totally foreign to life both inside the city and outside.

A few days ago I wrote a post about kindness in post-apocalyptic literature. So I'm thrilled to find a dystopian/apocalyptic sci-fi show that portrays kindness as being our greatest strength against oppression and out greatest tool for survival.

The show has also generated a lot of controversy because the relationship between the two main (male) characters seems to be making its way from friendship towards a romantic relationship. I think it's a little too soon to say if these characters will be portrayed as gay but if so it would definitely be one of the best portrayals of a gay relationship in anime and probably grounds for me to write totally separate review.

Available to watch with subtitles as it is air in Japan on Crunchyroll

We Are The Youth

Hey all,

We Are the Youth is a photograph journalism project about GLBTQ people in their mid-teens to mid-twenties. The project has mostly focused on the East coast (mostly New York State actually since that's where bot the photographer and interviewer live) but it seems really interesting with some lovely portrait photographs and short biographical stories about the different people. The stories are short and written as they were narrated to the interviewer. Often they are about being gay or trans but not always.

check it out.

Crafty Me

So I'm starting school again in a week, and I've also been moving into my new room. The bad thing about moving is for me it's super stressful. The good thing about it though is that it's a great time to get rid of stuff you don't need, orginizing stuff you've been putting off, and fix up things you've just had hanging around so they work again.

One of the things I fixed up for the move was one of my lampshades which had been peeling apart. I used an old book that wasn't any good any more and mod podge to make a new, much more attractive lampshade. It took me a couple hours one morning, drinking my coffee and gluing squares of paper onto the lampshade. I then gave the whole thing about three coats of mod podge to finish it. I think it came out nice.

I am also commuting back and forth to school so I need to pack my lunch. I have a very small Wonder Woman lunch box I've used to pack lunch in before put I decided it was too small especially if I want to bring a thermos of soup with me or something. My mom found this super cute lunch bag pattern  so we decided to try making it. 

I'm not super good with the sewing machine but I did do a fair amount of the sewing for this which I am proud of myself for. I used cotton canvas for both the outside and the inside so I can throw it in the wash if it gets something spilled on it. There wasn't a huge selection of cute or whimsical cloth in cotton canvas which was sad but I think the cloth I picked out looks good anyway. We added a flap and button to the top to keep it closed better. We also recycled an old sweater as the insolation instead of buying cotton batting especially for the bag. 

It might not look it but the bag ended up being big enough that I will definitely be able to fit a thermos or water bottle plus a lunch box. My old Wonder Woman lunch box is really too small for me to carry a whole meal in so I've been thinking about buying a bento box. I really like Edge bento boxes. 

They're both big and very sleek looking. You can also just use two out of the three layers if you want a smaller box. Kokeshi bento boxes are some of the cutest things I've ever seen. 

They are a little too small for my needs though I think. Mostly because I'm planning to use my bento box as predominantly a lunch box not actually pack things as compact as bento in it. 

Wether or not I'll get a bento box will depend largely on whether or not I get money for my birthday though.  

I am still alive and on this journey

sooo, after about six months of silence I am back and going to try to update this blog.

-First off I am moving from the place I've been living for two years.

-And I am going back to school for a very shiny and hopefully useful paralegal degree.

-Since I last posted I was accepted into the masters program in history at The New School of Social Research in New York City! Yeah! However the down side was that I ended up not being able to afford it. Still it was a huge ego boost to get in since it's a very, very good program. And there is always next year. I'm not giving up on history anytime soon.

- I am also getting more serious about my fiction writing. That's very exciting because I've written primarily for my self since I was in my early teens but never thought seriously about . . . well doing it more seriously until now. You can check out what's been going on with that at my original fiction writing journal  Be warned though I tend to write predominantly queer romance/erotic fiction within different genres so if queer people falling for each other and getting it on isn't your thing I might not be writer for you.

-Also I've been keeping myself from getting too stressed by listening to 2CELLO and being soothed by their awesomeness. Seriously people these two are made of awesome:




-also trolls! I love mythology and folk lore. A lot. I just forget that when I don't read any for a while. Lately I've been reading a lot about scandinavian trolls, which is incredibly interesting and awesome and is making my want to write fantasy. Not to mention the pretty, pretty art people have done of these trolls over the years.

2010 places on the net that were (and I hope will continue to be) important to me: Here are some of the high lights.

* I added a Not Safe For Work warning next to a few of these. But really guys, if you work in a place where you have to be careful what you look at what are you doing reading my blog at the workplace? Use your heads.

Genderfork NSFW

Genderfork is just a beautiful place to be. It’s created to be a positive place to embrace and celebrate the gender diversity in our world. It always makes me smile because I know there will always be something cool/beautiful/uplifting posted there. I’m used to being different for so many different reasons but sometimes I get tired when there is no one around me who is even a little bit similar to me. When I go to Genderfork I can remind myself that I’m not the only one who doesn’t fit the norms and that isn’t always a bad thing.  

Dicebox NSFW

Dicebox is the only online comic I have consistently read since it started in 2002.  It’s just one of those things in my life that never changes. No matter what I’m going through or how my life is changing Jenn Manley Lee’s art will always be breathtakingly beautiful, the storyline of Dicebox nicely complex and the relationship between Molly and Griffen amusing. Besides this comic was where I learned about gender-neutral pronouns in more then a strictly theoretical way.

Ravelry

If you’re a knitter or crochet-er Ravelry is the place to be. I’m not a die hard knitter like my Mom but I have been known to knit a hat or two during long committee meetings. Ravelry is a little like Facebook in that you have a profile and you can join groups and talk to other knitters or crochet-doers (I’m not sure what to call you guys). They also have a huge search engine full of patterns, yarn stores, books, and supplies. If you want to know what other people are making out of that yarn you just got go on Ravelry. If you want to see if you can find a hat patter with ear flats that’s also free go on Ravelry. If you want to see pictures of what this patter is going to look like once you’re done and you don’t want to rely on the tiny black and white picture at the bottom of the patter go on Revelry. It’s just that cool.

Rooster Tails  NSWF

This is an incredibly adorable comic-blog by a transman and his genderqueer partner in New Zealand. I’ve loved every single entry so far and can empathize with it a lot. It’s not just how gender issues are talked about, but also the strips on anxiety, the X-Men, butch mice and sweater-vests make me glad I’m not the only one who thinks about these things.

Vegan Dad

I have to admit it I’m a little bit of a snob when it comes to cooking. I love to cook and part of my job these days is to cook. Which means that I just can’t turn off the at little voice in the back of my head that say “I could do better.” Vegan blog’s I’m particularly hard on. I’m always reading them and thinking, they could use less expensive ingredients or there is an easier way to do this, or but I can’t eat this and buy local at the same time. Vegan Dad’s blog isn’t like that though. It’s become one of my two go-to places for vegan cooking. Why because the recipe’s are easy, fast, cheep-er and delicious. I haven’t made a bad thing off of this site.

Male Submission Art NSFW

When I am an professional academic I study race, gender, sexuality as these concepts have changed over time. I’ve found that one of the best ways to do this is to study images that reflect societal ideas and ideals regarding any or all of these concepts. However, while there as been lots of brilliant work done on gender and race both in theory and in American society, there is not that kind of body of work on sexuality. When I say I study sexuality I mean not just sexual orientation but sexuality more broadly. My perception of academia is this is not widely encouraged. More over historical theory tends to look at sexualized images as strictly who is being oppressed by whom and how does this image support larger systems of procession. There is no or very little acknowledgement that an image might mean different things to different people and a sexual one doubly so. Male Submission Art has meant so much to me because for the first time I am presented with thoughtful commentary on what makes pictures sexual and to whom. I appreciate and respect the work being done by maymay, the site maintainer, immensely. I also find many of these images sexy or attractive myself which is rare when it comes to visual erotica.  

The lightning-powered airship "Golden Colander": The Art of Ursula Vernon (NSFW)

Hello all you fabulous beings!

Well through a post on a blog that I read which mentioned something about her I recently ran across the art of Ursula Vernon. I fell in love with it right away. When I was a undergrad in college, in the not so distant passed, her graphic novels Digger was quite popular among the geeks of which, lets face it, I am one. However I hadn't read any of her stuff at the time, being overcome with school work and all that. My loss it turns out. I love the whimsy of her work. I love how so much of it is at once so fantastical and so down to earth. Ursula is obviously one of those people who has figured out that the weird can be fun and that's ok. It doesn't have to have a deeper meaning but if it does that's ok too. Truthfully there isn't anything of hers, that I've seen, that I dislike but my two favorite art series by her are Weird Fruit and Phalloi.

 Weird Fruit is a series of painting of different anthropomorphized fruit and vegetables. I've never seen anyone who antrhopomorphized fruit to look like different kinds of animals but I love the idea of pears with teeth, or lemons with horns, eggplant with chicken legs and squash with bat wings. Weird Fruit indeed because let's face it the only thing weirder then a fruit or vegetable is an animal. These are definitely the prints I want in my kitchen.

Another series of paintings by Ursula Vernon is the series Phalloi. This was actually how I found Ursula's art in the first place when this series came up in a conversation between a bunch of people who wear, use and love packers. We were having a conversation about how they can be cute and someone mentioned Ursula's Phalloi paintings. The series was inspired by the Ancient Roman's who wore pendants of phalluses with wings or little feet for good luck. These good luck charms were worn by both men and women, old and young.

Penises are not often portrayed as cute or cuddly in our culture. Yet that's how Phalloi portrays them and I like that*.





*more of my thoughts on portrayals of masculinity later.